Changing OB practices...

...and the soonest they can see me is December 13th.

I know, I know, that's about 5-6 weeks before my due date.  Am I crazy?  Some may think so, but I'm confident in this decision.  And apparently women all over my city are also fleeing their current practices and joining the one I'm moving to.  I tell you, there's something about them.

I'm not "mother earth" or trying to prove something by attempting a natural (aka drug-free) VBAC.  Yes, I've been told both those things and I've gotten the "you're crazy" line more times than I can count.  Yes, I'm aware that modern medicine is a wonderful thing and that doctors save lives.  But I feel very strongly that this is the best way for me to deliver our son.  I like to educate myself on the risks of both medical interventions and natural labor and my conclusion has led me down a natural path.  It may not be what's best for you, but this is what's best for me.

And this?  Well, it speaks volumes to me.

Statistics can be manipulated, but numbers based on sheer facts that don't omit anything, cannot.  I am one of the 32.9%.  And while I'll never truly know if I *needed* a cesarean with Madeline, it is what it is, and I've accepted it.  But I don't have to immediately choose a repeat cesarean if I don't want to.

So why am I changing practices?  Simple.  Our doula, Teresa, told me that there's a difference between a "tolerant" and "supportive" practice on VBACs.  My current practice is tolerant, and those are the words they used when I went in for my initial OB appointment. At first, I was completely fine with this. Leave me alone and let me labor, and that's pretty much what they planned on doing.  But what Teresa said about tolerance vs. supportive has resonated with me and been tugging away at my brain.  I don't want someone that is just tolerant of my attempt at a VBAC supervising this birth. I want someone who is supportive.  I've made it a goal to ask every practitioner their personal take on VBACs.  I've been talked to positively and encouraged, but I've also been talked down to, discouraged and been loaded up with the risks and not the benefits of VBACs.  There's no way I can select the OB or midwife that will deliver this baby. I get whoever is on-call and I know if I end up with some of the midwives, I will be intimidated and concerned the entire labor and delivery.  That's not exactly what I need in the throes of labor. 

I visited the new practice for their monthly meet and greet and it was hard for me to hold back tears as I heard them speak about how they run their practice.  I had tried to find something like them when I was pregnant with Madeline and it did not exist.  Come to find out, they opened their doors in September 2009. What is in the past is in the past and I'm not going to worry myself over it.  Madeline is here and thriving and I've healed and we're all grateful.  But I can control who cares for me the rest of this pregnancy.

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank Craig for supporting me throughout the indecision process.  His thought process is simple: he wants me healthy and the baby healthy.  That is the most important thing to him.  We were talking the other night after he attended the meet and greet and something hit me that pretty much tipped the scale in changing practices.  If this delivery ends up with a cesarean and I'm with the old practice, I will always wonder and doubt, but if it ends in a cesarean with the new practice, I feel confident that they did everything possible to support my VBAC and I won't doubt. Healing from scars is one thing, but it took me a long time to accept Madeline's labor.  That wasn't as easy to heal from.  Both practices want healthy mamas and babies. That's a given.  But the new practice will join me on the labor journey and help me along the way.

And if you will, please pray for this labor and delivery.  Don't doubt for a minute that I truly know who is in charge.