Bringing him home

I'm so behind on the blog...it's been kind of a busy month!  I'm trying to go back and insert pictures to old posts (so go look!) and recap some of the great events that have happened - both the NICU stay and after we brought him home.  This post is to recap actually *bringing* Gabe home.

I remember walking to the NICU for the last time and Craig grabbed the phone at the entrance and said, "I've been waiting to say this." I was a little confused, because we'd both been grabbing the phone and requesting access to the NICU for a week and a half, but I humored him.

And then he said it.

"Yes, this is Craig and I'm here to pick up my son."

The secure NICU door opened one last time for us and we began the scrub process. I didn't tell Craig this, but I had a lump in my throat as he spoke those words.  We were there to pick. up. our. son!

It was a good day!

The entire time Gabe was in the NICU, I was almost numb.  I broke down a handful of times, but it wasn't a true breakdown.  I'm an incredibly emotional person and this was totally off for me.  In fact, Craig was more emotional than I was much of the time.  I just kept thinking that Gabe could sense and feed off my emotions so I held it together.  I'm in NO way implying that I was strong throughout the process - you do what you have to do and my son needed me immensely - not a blubbering mess of a mom.  Plus, I know where my strength came from.  God was with me throughout the process and I truly felt the prayers uplifted during this time. So, if you were one of the ones who told me I was being so "strong", please know that it wasn't really my strength because I was relying on someone much, much stronger than any human.

But when Craig grabbed my hand as we pulled away from the hospital, I lost it.  I lost it hard.  Big, fat, ugly crying that is really, really not pretty.  Snot and tears streaming down my face.  Craig had asked me to pray as we left the hospital and my tears and emotional mess became the prayer.  I couldn't speak, I could barely breathe, much less create a thanksgiving prayer...so my breakdown became the prayer.  And God knew exactly how grateful I was.  I was broken before Him and completely vulnerable as the emotions came streaming out of me like never before.

But I had to pull it together because there was this face waiting for us when we got home...and what a joyous homecoming it was!

 Madeline officially meeting her little brother.  She knew instantly who he was and was enamored with him.

 Finally, our family was all together!