Four years

I've toyed with even posting something like this for the simple fact that people are so polarized with parenting and parenting choices in general.  But then I realized that someone will read this and it may help them make choices or reinforce what they are choosing to do as parents.

Let me back up a bit.

I have officially been nursing, pregnant, or both, for four years now.  Nonstop.  And there was an overlap of a few months because I was still nursing Madeline when I got pregnant with Gabe.

Why is this even controversial?  Because, from my experience, one of two things happen when people hear things like this.  One, I get shocked look followed quickly with a nod and an awkward smile as they assess the age of my nursling.  Or two, I get a response about formula. Either the mom tried to breastfeed and couldn't or the parents chose to formula feed.  And, when I even speak up to benefits of breastfeeding, I feel ostracized and instead of communicating the benefits of breastfeeding, the table turns and I'm told I'm being judgmental to those who choose to or have to formula feed.  But that isn't it at all and I don't understand why, when a mother chooses to publicly talk about nursing or breastfeeding, it turns into a rant between formula and breast milk parents.

I would like to say that my body is AMAZING.  Four years, I have been either growing a life (nearly 81 weeks) or nourishing a life.  And since I nursed both my kids exclusively for the first six months each, that's a combined total of (more than a) year of me being the sole source of nutrition for another life. And since I produce too much lipase - a natural enzyme in all mammalian milk - my milk breaks down once it is expressed and tastes like metal.  It is completely safe but tastes awful, so my kids don't do bottles.  In fact, Madeline never had a bottle and Gabriel's only bottles were while he was in the NICU. I took home more than 200 ounces of milk that I had pumped while he was in the hospital that he didn't even touch and it went down the drain (I kept it for six months hinking he would continue to take a bottle, but it was a battle to get him to feed when I brought him home, so I cut him off from all things synthetic.  More on that below).  That's every night feed - all.on.my.own.

Um, wow.  I should be proud of my body!  I'm gonna take credit for this because it's pretty fabulous that I have been able to do this. For the record, this isn't a jab at formula parents.  I'm not in your shoes and don't know your situation. But I'm proud of this!

Women who I have come in contact with quickly report that I must have it easy to be able to nurse.  Nope, not always.  And I'd be willing to bet that any mother that has chosen to breastfeed has had obstacles that have made her think twice about nursing.  Let me recap the past few years and my experiences.

Cracked and bleeding nipples.  I get kind of annoyed when I hear LLL or lactation consultants say that nursing is so natural and beautiful.  Natural, yes.  Does it come naturally? No! It didn't come naturally for me and hearing over and over again how natural it is just made me wanna throw eye darts at someone.  I'd just given birth and my nipples are torn up, don't preach to me how natural it is.  She would latch on me and it felt like shards of glass with each suck.  It hurt.  A lot.   It was better with Gabe but him being in the NICU was a whole 'nother set of issues.

Chronic plugged ducts.  I remember the first one I ever got sent me reeling in pain. It's hard to communicate how it feels unless you've had one, but imagine a balloon being filled with water.  Now imagine pinching the balloon but continuing to fill it with water.  The back log is swelling and getting tighter and bigger.  That is a plugged duct and since I had a lumpectomy when I was in my 20s, I'm prone to plugged ducts in one breast.  My left side gets plugged and I favor nursing on that side, so the right breast isn't properly drained and it gets plugged.  Back and forth and back and forth.  I cannot even remember how many plugs I have gotten since I started lactating.  But it is hard and painful to continue nursing and I almost threw in the towel when Madeline was four months old.

Tethered to my child.  I'm not complaining at all here, but when you exclusively nurse a baby, and that baby doesn't take bottles, you and the baby are one.  I didn't have kids under the delusion that my life would continue the same, but I did think they'd take a bottle and I'd be able to go out once in a while.  I made many trips out and back home to nurse, and then back out to join my group.  In those moments I try to tenderly hold my baby's hand because I know one day they'll be bigger and not need me as much.  They grow so fast!

But why have I been successful at nursing? I pinpoint it to a few points.

First and foremost, I never thought that my milk wasn't enough. Women today are sent that message everywhere they turn.  I heard it from well-meaning people, too. If the baby is gassy, "Do you think it's your milk?" If the baby is fussy, "Do you think it's something you ate?" If the baby doesn't sleep well at night, "Do you think you have enough milk?" No, no, no! I'd smile and just say that the baby was fine.  I read something that stuck with me once and it makes complete sense. When a formula-fed baby is fussy, no one thinks to blame the cow or wonders if it's something the cow ate! Ding, ding, ding! Yes, there are times when a baby reacts to a mom's milk and dairy and soy are the most common culprits. But this is rare.  Knowing this helps so when the world tells you there's something wrong with your milk, then you can ignore it and move on.  I don't want to make it sound like there aren't ever issues with breast milk, because there are, but God created a woman's body to not only grow a life, but to also nurture that life.

Second, I don't diet while I'm nursing. Man, this one is tempting, but a woman's body has just grown a life and then starts producing milk. Dieting is a bad idea.  I also eat well.  This doesn't mean you can't have a drink here and there (and beer increases milk production!), just give it three hours to metabolize the alcohol and you're good to go.  But I don't diet when I'm nursing.  Restricting calories while breastfeeding can also make your milk's fat content poor. Babies need fat.  (I'm not saying you can't diet while breastfeeding, because you can. No crash or fad diets, but a good, healthy diet. Losing too much weight too quickly while breast feeding leeches toxins into the breast milk though, so if you diet while nursing, do it safely.)

I don't give bottles (at first).  When we brought Madeline home, I immediately pumped milk to create a stash for other people to give her, but I didn't want to introduce a bottle until she was six weeks old.  Why? A few reasons actually.  I wanted to establish a nursing relationship.  It was tempting to want to pump and then bottle feed until my nipples were healed, but I knew not only would Madeline not return to me easily, but I also knew my milk supply would drastically dip.  The body knows the difference between a pump and a baby and more milk is produced with a baby.  Replacing a feeding with a bottle could also make my milk dip.  I wanted to establish my milk supply and establish a good nursing relationship.  When I took Gabe home, I fully intended on keeping him on bottles and breast, because he was taking bottles of my milk, lipase-metal-taste and all, but I quickly changed my plans.  He was getting rid of antibiotics toxins, he was sick, he was tired, and he was lazy.  A bottle was exactly what he wanted because he didn't have to work as hard at getting milk.  So I cut him off.  No more bottles and no pacifiers.  He wanted synthetic soothers and was rejecting me.  Feeds would take hours and then I'd have to start all over again.  My midwife even commented at my two week postpartum visit that his nursing was bizarre.  Yup.  But we worked on it together and eventually he was nursing like a champ!

I don't give formula.  Yes, I said it.  No formula.  Giving formula will alter your baby's feeding schedule, which will also make them not as aggressive at the breast, thus triggering your body to not produce enough milk for the baby, thus stressing you and baby out and a total dependence on formula.  It sounds like a stretch, but it's not.  Even one night feed replaced with formula could start this domino effect.  I heard so many times that formula makes babies sleep better at night, and that's better for everyone.  Newsflash: babies get up at night.  A lot.  And they're supposed to. 

I get up with my baby.  I learned with Madeline, as I was begging her to take a pacifier, that sometimes a baby just needs mama.  I nursed her to soothe her, to nourish her, and to pacify her.  I was her human pacifier and it was exhausting.  Some babies just don't take a pacifier.  Gabe is a different story (phew!) and he only nurses when he's hungry.  But when he was little and was crying at night, I'd always offer him a breast to soothe him.  It didn't take too long for him to let me know he didn't want it and I could pass him to Craig to put him to sleep.  Craig will now get up with Gabe if he's fussy, but in the beginning I was the one, just in case he needed mama's milk.

I was able to stay home and *nurse.*  I think this is probably the number one reason I have had two very successful nursing relationships. I am beyond grateful to have had to opportunity to work from home and nurse - not pump every three hours at work to have bottles ready for the next day.  Nursing is the best way to trigger milk.  I am in awe of mothers who pump.  Pumping isn't fun at all, and lots of times a mother's supply dips when she returns to work.  It's so hard to balance pumping and my situation was so wonderful.  I'm convinced Madeline wouldn't have nursed as long as she did if I went back to work, and I'm convinced my supply would have dipped if I returned to an office after I had Gabe.  I am truly blessed to have had the work situation I had and I know my success was due in large part to my working from home.

Lastly, I have a supportive husband.  Craig has been wonderful, he has gone to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to buy cabbage for me to put in my bra when I have a plugged duct, he lets me sleep in on the weekends, he reminds me to take my lecithin supplement, he took a couples breastfeeding class with me (that was HOURS long!), and he has never told me he wished he could give our kids a bottle.  He understands my heart in this matter and is behind me 100%.

*I backdated this, as I'm so behind on the blog! Christmas is next!*