I get asked, quite frequently, if Craig and I are ready for another baby.
The immediate answer is absolutely not.
I would first like my one baby to sleep through the night. Madeline is still not doing so, and recently she is just awful at night (every 2-3 hours). I presume it's teeth, but I really don't know. Once in a blue moon, she will sleep all the way through the night, but she has actually never done it for more than two nights in a row. Never. It's always that mystical third night that beckons her to wake up. There was once upon a time that she was waking every hour on the hour and I would go in there and be a human pacifier. It wasn't working and I was exhausted so I let her cry and she went to waking only once or twice a night. That was nine months ago and nothing has changed. She is still waking at least once a night and I never know when to expect it.
She can and does put herself to sleep for all naps and before bed. I've even stupidly woken her up when I've gone in her room for some reason or another at night and she will sit up, whimper, and put herself back down. She can fall asleep on her own. But when she wakes up in the middle of the night when she doesn't want to, she will cry for a few minutes, settle back down for five minutes and repeat this behavior for an hour (that's as long as I've gone with her on it). It appears she's settled herself back down and I do think she sometimes goes back to sleep, but soon wakes up. It's bizarre. When I do go in to nurse her, she will nurse and not simply soothe. For this reason, I continue to night nurse.
But I have to admit something. I'm totally over it.
When I set out to nurse Madeline, I was hoping for at least a year. Despite chronic plugged ducts, I have been blessed to be able to nurse so easily. I know it's a struggle for many women and I know, without a doubt, that my working situation has allowed me to continue to breastfeed. Many, many women are not this lucky. I have actually never had to supplement formula for any reason. I also tossed out pumping a LONG time ago and Madeline has never had a full bottle (we tried two or three times, but since I found out my milk produces too much lipase, I don't pump and store in the hopes of bottle feeding). I actually think that's one of the reasons my milk supply is still going strong. I don't pump. About a month ago, I got another plugged duct so I asked Craig to get the pump out of the attic. Madeline was congested and her congestion led to improper draining and I was concerned about getting back-to-back plugs. When I set out to pump, I barely got anything out, but I KNOW she gets milk out. The pump just isn't as effective as a baby, nor does it signal to a woman's body the same way a baby does. At any rate, it's been much simpler to not pump. Again, I know how fortunate I have been and I am so lucky to have been able to produce enough milk for her.
I am about to replace her afternoon nursing session (prior to her nap) with whole milk. I'm hoping that she takes to it and that weaning from that session works and doesn't interrupt her going down for a nap. Part of me is conflicted - I know she still wants to nurse but I would like to just nurse in the morning and at night. Her body now needs whole milk anyway and it's a good transition.
But again, I'm so over the middle of the night nursing. She's 12 and a half months old and I'm exhausted at this point. For nearly two years, I have not slept properly. My pregnancy hormones greatly effected my sleeping and then Madeline has kept me from sleeping through the night since she was born (I can literally count on one hand how many times I've actually slept through the night since she was born). I know I only have one baby but I do not have the luxury to sleep when she sleeps because I work full time. It's standard for me to crash between 9-10 pm now. I barely see Craig anymore because he typically comes home after 7, he gives Madeline a bath, I nurse/finish up her night time routine, then attempt to throw something together for dinner and go to bed.
I just feel like something has to change. I dread her crying it out again, but when I do allow her to cry, I usually go into her room after 45 minutes to an hour and calm her down. Sometimes, the next night she sleeps through and rarely the second night after. Never the third. I just keep wishing that she will magically sleep through the night and I won't have to deal with night weaning or crying at all. One can dream, right?
Selfishly, I would like to not be nursing for a couple of months (at least) before getting pregnant again. I'd like to have some sort of control over my body for a bit before everything I have goes into creating another life.
So there it is.
And our next baby will get a pacifier from the very beginning :-)
4 comments:
Why do you think your daugther NEEDS whole (cow's) milk? She is a human, not a cow -- she needs human milk, not cow's milk. Your milk contains the perfect mix of nutrients for your daughter at every stage. Nursing for a year is great, but it should be considered the BARE minimum. The World Health Organziation recommends at least 2 years. Experts consider the natural age of weaning to be 2-7 years, with the "average" around 4 years. Your daughter needs the immune protection and nutrition from your milk, for months to come. Instead of blaming breastfeeding, why don't you address the sleep issues directly? You could be trying some strategies, like co-sleeping, that help you ALL get more sleep.
Speaking of the sleep issues, have you explored whether your daughter might have an underlying issue that's disturbing her sleep? Poor quality of sleep can cause overtiredness that might lead to waking on the third night. You should talk to her doctor about allergies, sleep apnea, or other possible causes.
I would really encourage you to continue nursing on demand and stop trying to reduce your daughter's access to your milk. And for your next baby, instead of going for a less natural approach (pacifier) that can complicate nursing, you should give the baby what s/he really needs: YOU. Co-sleeping makes night nursing SO much easier and you will all get better sleep!
Darling Rebecca M.:
No doubt you managed to tap out your thoughtful insight with a toddler dangling from each breast; but, please...
...save your condescending criticism for your husband. If he's still around, that is.
Vicky
Dear Rebecca M.
I'm so glad the anonymity of the internet gives you the freedom to criticize other people's parenting, but this is a personal blog meant for friends and family, and not meant as forum for ideological debate. Those of us that have known the writer 20+ years do not want to hear your thoughts. Please refrain from commenting in the future and stick to trolling message boards.
Thanks and have a nice day.
Sincerely,
Rebecca R.
Rebecca M. - I don't know how you found my blog and I guess it really doesn't matter. I doubt you will come back here and read the follow on comments, but I'm posting my own comment just the same.
I presume you read a few of my posts here and there and while I do appreciate diversity, I felt like this comment was attacking me and my parenting. I doubt you read enough to truly know me. I think it's obvious that I am a breast feeding advocate, but I also do not see the problem with formula or mother's who choose to formula-feed. I respect their decision and I pray that I do not come across as better than them for choosing to breast feed. Likewise, while I will never breast feed my child until they turn 4, I wouldn't post an opinionated comment on another mother's blog about her personal choice to breast feed that long - especially if I didn't know the mother. That is her choice.
While I understand the benefits of co-sleeping, it is not for me or my family. You see, it wouldn't help everyone in the family sleep better because I would not be able to sleep. The fear of my husband or myself smothering our child would keep me wide awake, therefore I chose to not co-sleep with Madeline. I don't think it's wrong, it's just not for me. Now that she's older, all she wants to do is play in our bed anyway.
And just so you know, I am still breast feeding Madeline. She doesn't like cow's milk and really does love my milk. I am happily supplying it for her still, but I do limit her access. She knows when she gets my milk and I do not feel she needs to nurse on demand anymore. I offer it to her. There will come a time when I will wean her. I hope she self-weans, but that may not be the case.
Lastly, I do not think pacifiers cause nipple confusion. I did buy into it that theory with Madeline, but I don't think it's an issue. I actually think it's hogwash. I wanted to do everything right with my first child, but being a good mother doesn't mean doing everything right all the time. I admit that I've made many mistakes. If giving a child a pacifier helps give a mother a good night sleep or a quick nap, then it makes her a better mother. I was running on less than fumes many times and I learned a lot with my first child. I sure do wish I'd let her keep the pacifier.
I wish you a wonderful natural delivery in April. Feel free to continue to read here, but please use discretion when posting about parenting. You never know who will be reading the comments.
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