NICU update day 4

This post may be all over the map because I'm writing it throughout the day...because when I get home, I want to shower and crash. This is easier!

Today started out really well!!! We showed up at the NICU to see Gabe in a portable bassinet and weaned from all IV nutrition. He took all bottles last night, so he graduated up a level. Bottle feeding is going really well, and we are working on nursing. He's getting better, but I think the combination of the meds and fighting the disease makes him tired and nursing requires more from him than a bottle. We will get there though, I'm sure of it.

Gabe is jaundiced, so his fluids are being increased so his output is increased so his body rids itself of the jaundice. He definitely looks yellow, but he's not to the point where he needs the bilirubin lights. I hope he stays this course and the numbers keep declining. It may be my imagination, but as I've been here today, he doesn't seem quite as yellow. He's been getting my milk and has had multiple dirty diapers - all good things!

I've been at the NICU all day, everyday since Gabe was admitted. Actually, I've spent more time in the NICU since I was discharged. It is just one of those things. It is so hard to leave Madeline for so long - I have literally only spent two hours with her since Tuesday, but Gabe needs me more than Madeline does.

Since there is a shift change at 7, parents are not allowed in the NICU from 6:30-7:30. Gabe eats at 6-9-12-3-6, etc. I've been making it a point to be here from 9 AM - 10:30ish PM daily so I can be here for his feeds. Today, I nursed him prior to all his feeds and then he is topped off with a bottle of my milk. It isn't a large bottle, but we want him full and gaining weight. At this point, I've been able to keep up with his demand, but I do not foresee this continuing. He's been increasing what he takes after he nurses and I can't physically be here throughout the night. I've been waking at 2 to pump, then up at 6 for the day and I pump first thing. It will be very nice to have him home, by my bedside, because waking up in the middle of the night for a date with a breast pump isn't fun at all.

Other good news I learned today: his spinal fluid grew for 3 complete days (I learned spinal fluid can only grow that long) and it came back completely negative. And, as far as I know, there isn't anything else growing in his blood cultures.

I overheard the nurse practitioner informing parents that their little boy has an unknown infection, they don't know what it is, that they'll be doing a spinal tap, growing blood cultures...and I almost lost it. I flashed back three days to when I was wearing those shoes. Talk about a rush of emotions - ones that I don't ever want to feel again. Ever, ever, ever. My heart goes out to them. So, pray for them and all the other NICU parents and babies. There are a lot of sick babies here and every time I hear one cry, it just breaks my heart. I want to scoop them up and tell them they are going to be ok.

Pray also that I can get Gabe to nurse alone without lactation support. He's still real resistant and my milk isn't letting down when I'm on the pump. I've tried everything and it just doesn't happen at home. I come to the hospital and it letsdown. I need Gabe just as much as he needs me. UPDATE: I was able to get him to nurse before the shift change! You have no idea how therapeutic that was for me! And I hope it helps with the milk letdown as well. I'm staying here for the 9 PM feeding and hope for successful results then, too.

Things are on the up and up and we just need to stay on this path. I am so, so grateful...

Pictures to come. Can't really upload from the iPad. I'll do a picture post soon.